All of my career I have made a habit of trying not to fit into the establishment of teaching. Not because the traditional classroom is wrong or bad, but because it doesn’t work for me. It didn’t work for me as a student and it doesn’t work for me as a teacher. So, in the last few months, I have begun to wonder a few things about myself now that I am teaching at the college level.
Yes, I have great academic freedom. However, I am not using that to the best of my abilities. I have become what I detest. I have lectured more in the last two years, than I think I ever have in my life. Who is the lady up here? I know that students are not going to learn to read and write, by being told how. Yet, I feel like that is what is expected of me at this level.
So, this week, I decided to pull of some of my old texts. Sometimes, you need to go back to the goodies to get yourself back. Why I am I teaching that the outcome of what you are writing is the most important? I don’t think that. Yes, it is important, but what about the process? Why am I bleeding all over their papers? Are they really reading those comments? Bet not. Who is this lady?
What happened to the lady that could come up with really cool lessons using books, and short stories? Those were the ways to teach kids to read. Not a dry dull text about how to read.
So now I have to decide, do I keep trying to fit in, or do I take my own little rocky path and be me. I know how to do this and do it well. I just have to do it. Maybe my last experience has colored me in ways that I didn’t think were possible.
Maybe it scarred me so terribly that I am afraid to take those risks again. Is that what education is coming to? Making teachers in robots that do what they are told in the way that they are told? I hope not. So this is my hope for myself and others that have be scarred. I hope that I can find myself and do it my way again.