Posted in Teaching

Changing the “Mean Girl”Society…

I must not be a “normal” girl.  I do not and never will understand why it is alright to tear other women or girls down.  I don’t care how old they are.  If I think something of you I am going to tell you, but I am not going to be mean just to be mean.


What I don’t understand is how young girls start this mean girl culture.  It really starts so young.  Now, I was the victim of some profound bullying when I was younger.  The things that were said to me were horrible.  I would not wish them on anyone.  It took me years to believe in myself again.  I do not want to see anyone go through that.

What baffles me is that girls will sit together in a bathroom when they are drunk as skunks and be besties.  Why can’t we always be like that?  Really?  I understand, probably better than you would think, that things are hard for women.  I work in one industry where I am very much the minority.

We can’t always be like that simply because at some point in our lives some of us are taught that all women are competition.  Beware, I am going to royally piss people off here, and I do not care.  If you don’t like it stop reading.  I know for a fact, because I saw it and was the victim of it, that there are mothers and daughters out there that see others as competition.  These mothers teach their daughters that other girls are out to “get them.”  It may be that those mothers are jealous or insecure of something.  So, they pass those insecurities onto their daughters.  Which seriously sucks.  Deal with your own shit and don’t include your daughter (or as a result mine) in your drama.

So what happens now?  Mean girl culture happens.  Moms form a cult of mean moms and their daughters follow suit.  Fun huh?  Nope.  The result goes a little something like this.  Mom doesn’t like so and so’s mom, so she can’t like her daughter.  Little girl goes to school and is mean to the daughter.  Little girl tells her friends to be mean, and a cycle starts.  Often times in this case there is no rhyme or reason to this type of mean girl.

Another instance, one little girl is sweet, outgoing, helpful, smart, and all around nice.  Other girls want to be her friend, she wants to be friends with everyone.  All it takes is one girl to decide that this wonderful, happy, little girl can’t have friends.  The mean girl tells her she can’t be friends with anyone.  I call this the “I can have as many friends as I want but no one else can” mean girl.  We all knew or know one.  Again, I really believe this is a symptom of watching an adult do it.

So how do we heal it?  Or can we?  I really in my heart want to believe we can.  My head tells me I am batshit crazy.  How am I going to heal my own daughter?  With cookies.  And when she is old enough wine.  Really, how am I going to heal her heart?  With love.  As a teacher I know a few things.  Mean girls are mean because they need something.  Control usually.  I need her to know that she needs to be her and be the best version of her she can be.  It took me twenty or so years to figure that out and own who and what I was.  I don’t want that for her.

What I want for her is to know that it is alright to confront the problem.  It is also alright to stand up for herself.  I want her to keep her compassion, her love, her spirit, and her wish to be friends with everyone.  I want her to stand up for the underdog.  I never want to see that squashed out of her.  I want her to know it is a super cool thing to be a smart girl, something that I struggled with so much.  I want to help her empower others.  Maybe, just maybe she will show the mean girls how much better life can be on the nice girl side.



I am a mom, wife, and teacher. I am a hot mess sometimes and sometimes I think I have it all figured out. Teaching for me is about teaching to the whole kid and making sure I am staying true to who I am in the process. I am far from perfect, but I try my best.

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